I am afraid today that I am fumbling with words, looking for a way to make sense of things. Today, I am experiencing the utmost “what words cannot describe” day. Something has occurred and nor words, photographs, video or anything else could ever explain the way I feel.
My family has suffered a loss. An extreme loss. One that cannot be replaced. I look to my office wall and read, “Time heals almost everything. Give time.” When will the time come?
Time cannot come soon enough. My dear 44-year-old cousin has drowned in a lake. To make matters worse, it seems almost unclear as to what happened. Those that he was with did not see him go underwater, only lost hearing of him. His body has not been found. He was swimming in a huge lake that has taken 11 lives so far. Why him?
Let me tell you this story. Jeff is a gift. He has always been my cousin, and I have always loved him. It was not until recently that we have spent time together, and we all have gotten pretty close. He and Joey, his brother, have spent a lot of time with my brothers lately. John especially loves Jeff and Joey. I do too. Saying this, all of Jeff’s siblings came to one of our wedding events. I love them all dearly.
Things do happen for a reason. I cannot explain why this happened to Jeff, but I can explain why we have recently gotten so close. I guess God knew this would happen. God knows we overlook things and people we shouldn’t. Family should not be overlooked. Family is the most important thing we have. God knew I needed such a kind person in my life.
I recently got married in April, and Jeff was there to celebrate. He came to our engagement party in August and our wedding shower in November. On one occasion, we found Jeff’s shaving kit, not knowing, and laughed about the Barbasol Shaving Cream saying, “we didn’t know anyone really used this stuff.” He laughed right beside us and at the end of the harassment explained that it was indeed his shaving kit. We laughed and laughed. He had set his shaving kit outside of our door, and we had no idea whose it was. He endured the laughing and joined in himself.
He returned for our Grove shower. I was ecstatic that he had come back after the Barbasol incident. His presence that night was monumental. I was glad he came.
And lastly, my husband cooks in BBQ competitions. We have spent the last two years with Jeff and Joey in Memphis, and it is always a fun time. Again, things happen for a reason. BBQ was the reason my husband became close with Joey and Jeff.
I last saw Jeff in Memphis at BBQ Fest in May. Joey woke him up to come downstairs to see us. He immediately grabbed his “pimp goblet” and met us with his infectious smile.
I have not a clue why God puts this type of suffering upon us. I can only pray for strength and understanding. We will never know why. Words will never be able to explain it.